Loving the Skin You're In

Okay, blog fail. I actually started to write an entry in early June, and then I got de-railed. It was going to be about "Milestone May". I hit the 20 pounds lost mark since January and turned 30. I feel like there might have been another milestone or two, but unfortunately I can't remember what they might have been :/ oops. Forgive me? Thanks!

So as of today, I have hit the 25 pound milestone, I weighed in at 204.2 this morning. This means I have also hit my 50 pound milestone from my heavist weight of 254.4 2 years ago. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Considering I've only been to the gym 5 times total in July and am still losing, I'm pleased.

I feel like this year I've broken the yo-yo cycle with regard to my weight. I'm still dedicated to exercising, but I'm not obsessive about it. I'm still dedicated to eating well and the "fat-head diet" has become a lifestyle. But again, I'm not obsessive about it. Sometimes I like to order fries (like the sweet potato fries I had from Flipping Out on Thursday...OMG), I love frozen yogurt (Thanks, Gibson's, for feeding my froyo addiction), I eat a cheeseburger (with a real bun! as opposed to low carb bread) about once a week. [I'll talk about mine and Neila's quest for the best burger in Tacoma in another entry]. Sometimes I splurge eating out with a friend, or I have a decadent dessert. Life is too short and I LOVE food! But I have learned moderation. I know that a regular lifestyle of eating low carb is not ruined by the occasional splurge and it makes the lifestyle sustainable, and sustainability is the key to being successful. I've never been this consistent in any "diet" or "exercise program". A few months of a new program usually saw moderate success followed by complete relapse.

One exciting but annoying change is my official "size" drop. I've been a size 18-20 since high school (A straight 20 at my heaviest, more an 18 during thinner times). I am officially a size 16 now. I can wear some of my 18-20's but most of them are baggy and frumpy. I've acquired 3 pairs of jeans in a 16 now, but am finding I only have a few shirts anymore that I feel attractive in. I have a Lane Bryant gift card I'd love to use but I am holding on to it until I get a job so I can buy appropriate work clothes for my new work place. So, the next time I have a little extra cash, a couple of cute shirts/tanks are in order. My need for new professional wear was brought to light when I was called back for a second interview and realized I had already worn the new dress I had bought for interviews and had nothing appropriate to wear. It was bittersweet going through my closet to find almost every piece of professional wear I own was too big. I have been meaning to take my collection of oversized clothing to a plus-size consignment shop where I might be able to recover some of the money to invest in new clothes.

On a related note, I am still looking for work and have a little less than 2 months left on unemployment. The second interview at Kidder Matthews did not pan out. However, I have an interview for a Marketing Coordinator position at Korum Automotive Group. Prayers and well wishes are appreciated. I am hopeful that the job search is nearing the end.

I am still struggling getting used to my new body, but I am learning to love it, "flaws" and all. I even let Neila take and post pictures of me in a swimsuit, I'll share a few as an exercise in confidence and embracing my beauty. I'm still surprised at how insecure I can be about my body even after dropping 50 pounds!

Thanks for reading, thank you for your love and support. If it wasn't for the support, encouragement and accountability of friends, I don't know if I would have persevered as I a have. Remember you are beautiful, you are worth loving, and you are worth taking care of. I still have to remind myself of these things everyday.

Diary of a Fat Head...the saga continues

So, since I started the whole Fat Head experiment, I have gotten a lot questions about what I'm eating (especially from my mom). So, I thought I'd give you an idea of what I eat on a daily basis, and include a couple of links to recipes and such. If you've read my previous entries, you know that I am limiting my carb intake, and eating the majority of my calories from protein and fat. If you want to know more about this and why, see my previous entry and watch "Fat Head".

Breakfast

For breakfast, I usually have some combination of 2 eggs, breakfast meat, cheese, and sometimes a vegetable with some coffee (gotta have my coffee). My breakfast is usually pretty high calorie, somewhere around 500 calories, including the half and half or sugar free creamer in my coffee. Sometimes I make an omelette, today it was 2 slices of bacon and an ounce of light brie folding in 2 eggs whisked with about a teaspoon or two of half and half. Another favorite omelette was bacon, broccoli and sharp cheddar, topped with a tablespoon of alfredo sauce.

I have also done some delicious scrambles. I especially liked my scramble with spinach (wilted in a pan for a few minutes before added to the egg), feta spinach chicken sausage, and crumbled feta cubes with sundried tomatoes. If I feel like I need something carby or starchy, I will have a slice of Sara Lee 45 calorie bread with butter (I don't eat it because it's low calorie, but because it is only 7 carbs a slice) or I will cut up a baby red potato and fry it up in some of the bacon drippings. I've actually been saving the bacon drippings and using it in place of butter or non-stick spray. It's natural and cost-effective, not to mention delicious. I also like turkey bacon, since it's a little sweeter and kind of chewy.

If you need something that is easily prepared the night before and doesn't require cooking in the morning, this is another option. A protein shake is quick, though it tends not to be as satiating, and my roommate says when she starts her day with one of these, it actually makes her crave more carbs throughout the day. But, we use unsweetened almond milk, vanilla protein powder, blended with a combination of peanut butter, 1/3 a banana, some strawberries or other fruit.

Lunch

Lunch is often leftover's from dinner the night before. But, in the case that there are no leftovers, I will often make a tuna or egg salad sandwich on low carb bread, with some type of cheese. This can be eaten with a serving of fruit or veggies and/or some cottage cheese. I like an apple with peanut butter. Neila sometimes eats broccoli or carrots with ranch dressing or celery with peanut butter. Of course a green salad with some source of protein (i.e. chicken, beef) cheese and a low carb dressing is a good option as well. Balsalmic vinegrette, ranch, salsa and Italian dressings are all good options.

Dinner

Dinner is usually centered around meat including steak, chicken, or ground beef or turkey. We are always trying to come up with new ways to prepare these items, whether it's different seasonings, marinades or toppings. We recently did a stuffed meatloaf that was delicious, though a little high in calories. Here is the recipe if you are interested. We used half of the marinara, and used part 2% fat mozzarella (just using it up) and part colby jack cheese. In the future we may try it with ground turkey or a leaner ground beef so we can eat more and have the dish be more satisfying. The way we made it, it was a about 400 calories and 11 carbs for an 8th of the loaf.

I also recently created a recipe that I am quite proud of. I'm proud because I created it from scratch, without even referencing a similar recipe to get started. It is a Peanut butter chicken curry that tastes a lot like Panang Curry. Here is that recipe. I am constantly searching for new recipes, and my roommate recently found the website SparkRecipes which has a huge database of low carb recipes. I will keep you posted as I find good ones!

With our meat, we have a generous helping of veggies. I especially like to roast my veggies. My favorites include broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, butternut squash, and asparagus either alone or in any combination. I sprinkle them with some olive oil, salt and pepper and pop them in the oven at 425 until they are tender. With my brussels sprouts, I generally add a sprinkle of sugar and little bit of butter as well to cut the bitterness. Another way to dress up the veggies, whether roasted or steamed is with sauces. Some of our favorites are alfredo sauce, queso sauce, salsa, sour cream, ranch and butter. These sauces are also great dips for raw veggies or on your omelette or scramble in the morning. Just a tablespoon or two adds a lot of flavor for relatively few calories.

Snacks

Snacks involve some combination of meats, cheeses, fruits, vegetables or nuts. Again, I like an apple with peanut butter, cheese sticks, a piece of cheese wrapped with some lunch meat, veggies dipped in some sort of sauce, a serving of almonds, a piece of low carb bread with peanut butter, or a handful of strawberries. My favorite almonds are the Emerald cocoa roast almonds, as they have some sweetness and that chocolately flavor. Another reasonable snack option for on the go are the Nature Valley Nut Crunch Bars. Compared to other snack bars and granola bars, they are pretty low carb, decent in protein, and have that great sweet/salty combination.

Desserts

Most of my friends know I have a serious sweet tooth. So, I have had to get creative with my sweets. Unfortunately, a number of my sweet options involve artificial sweetners or sugar alcohols. I hope to reach a point where I don't have to rely on these. I know artificial sweetners have a bad reputation. I am still researching sugar alcohols and whether they are really a good alternative. I've tried stevia, both in powder and liquid extract form in my coffee, and have not cared for the after taste. It's honestly worse than that of aspartame or sucralose. I do like Truvia, which contains a combination of stevia and sugar alcohol. But, again, there is that sugar alcohol.

With that said, I quite enjoy cut up strawberries with heavy whipping cream and splenda. There is the fancy version of this, where I sprinkle about a packet of splenda on the cut strawberries, mix and refridgerate, and then actually whip up the whipped cream (about 2-3 tbsp per serving) with splenda to taste, and then top the strawberries with the whipped cream. Then there is the lazy version, where I cut up the strawberries, pour a couple of tablespoons of whipping cream over the top, sprinkle in splenda, stir and enjoy. I also enjoy dark chocolate. This is a great option, as it does not contain any sugar substitutes and you get the antioxidants and the endorphin rush of the cocoa. The lowest carb option I've found so far is actually the Safeway Select 78% cacao dark chocolate. At 57 calories and 2.7 carbs a square, it's a dream come true. It is also delicious shaved over the fancy version of the strawberries and cream. I have also tried the safeway "Watch'n carbs" ice cream. It is okay, but I'm not fond of the texture. The Breyer's Carbsmart ice cream bars are a delicious option. I've tried both the Almond Bar (vanilla ice cream coated in chocolate and almond pieces) and the fudge bar. They are rich and creamy, and sweetened primarily with sugar alcohols.

My "Must-have" products

There are a number of products now that I keep stocked in my kitchen. Some are brand specific, others I just make sure I have something in that category in my arsenal

-Peanut butter (I use Skippy Natural or Trader Joe's, little or no artificiality)
-Sunflower Seed butter (Trader Joe's, a great substitute for Peanut butter if you need some variety. Almond butter is a good one, too)
-Cocoa Roast Almonds
-Pure Silk unsweetened Almond Milk
-Sara Lee Delightful Whole Wheat Bread
-Sausage and Bacon (I prefer chicken sausages, and like both regular and turkey bacon)
-Eggs (lots of them)
-Meat
-Deli Meat
-Cottage Cheese
-A variety of block cheeses
-Fresh and frozen veggies
-Apples
-Strawberries
-Heavy whipping cream
-Half and half
-Splenda
-Safeway Select 78% Cacao dark chocolate
-Carb Smart ice cream bars

I hope that is helpful for someone! Please let me know if you have any ideas as well. I am learning and researching and trying to make it easier for this to be long term lifestyle. I will address what I do when eating out and some of the surprising options for keeping within your carbs in another post. Please note, that I am only eating about 2 servings of fruit a day because fruit, while nutritious is still fairly high in carbs. Vegetables have carbs as well, but they have much fewer, so they can be eaten in larger quantities for the most part. I would say 50-60% of my carbs each day come from fruits and vegetables, the rest comes mostly from nuts and dairy products.

It is so nice to eat REAL food that tastes good and continue to lose weight in the process. I never feel deprived and I rarely feel hungry. I'm eating things I love, like steak, cheese and chocolate, and occasionally I splurge and get a full carb dessert or eat something starchy, like potatoes. It's a pretty good deal all around!

I'm a Fat Head

No, really, I am. And so far, I'm lovin' it (McDonald's allusion intentional).

I recently watched the documentary "Fat Head" by Tom Naughton. A friend of mine mentioned it on Facebook, saying it had changed the way he thought about nutrition and how he had been shedding weight ever since. If you've followed my blog, you know that February saw me struggling to lose weight, despite working out 3-4 days a week and eating a low-fat, low calorie diet. Towards the end of the month and into the beginning of March, I had increased my workouts to 5 days a week, and continued to see no significant change. So, I was intrigued and open to some new ideas, because I was tired of trying to work my ass off and getting nowhere.

In the beginning, it seems he is just attempting to disprove the conclusions of "Supersize Me" by seeing if he can actually lose weight eating nothing but fast food for a month. As I was watching, I was skeptical. It was funny, sarcastic, and interesting but I thought, "Where is he going with this? Is he trying to say that fast food is good for us?" About halfway through, everything he's saying is making sense. The pieces started to click. If what he's saying is true, then I'm doing everything wrong! Not only am I doing everything wrong, but most of America has their understanding of nutrition backwards. He's not saying that fast food is good for us. He's saying fast food isn't the issue. Animal fats and cholesterol are not the enemy. They are not the cause of obesity, heart disease and diabetes. In fact, they are good and necessary parts of a healthy diet.

So, what is the issue? Carbohydrates, especially grains and processed sugars. What is at the base of our food pyramid? Grains. What do we feed our live stock to fatten them up and give them that tasty marbling and layers of fat? Grains. What are grains? A carbohydrate. What is a carbohydrate? Sugar. What causes diabetes? The inability of your body to produce enough insulin to process the sugar in your blood, or the inability of your body to use that insulin. How does your body lower your blood sugar? By converting it to fat and storing it in your fat cells. Light bulb! Lots of grains and sugars in the diet = increased stored fat and higher blood sugar. When you see the science of it broken down, it all starts to make sense. You combine that with exposing some of the faulty science on which our nutritional standards are based and you start to believe that we really have been fed a load of bologna.

I could say so much more about "Fat Head" itself, but instead, I encourage you to watch it. You can get it through Netflix or stream it online through Hulu. Here is a trailer to whet your whistle...



After watching "Fat Head", I was overwhelmed. But, my roommate and I decided the only way to make a judgement of the information presented was to give it a try. We would reduce the carbohydrates in our diet, thereby increasing our fat and protein intake. I also realized that I am probably taking in too few calories. I was probably consuming between 1200 and 1500 calories a day, and eating 200-250 grams of carbs a day. So, I decided to increase my calories to between 1500 and 1800 a day and limit my carbohydrates to 100-150 grams (in the movie, he limits himself to about 100 grams a day). If after a week or two I was gaining weight, I would say the movie was bogus, and go back to my low-fat and low calorie ways. Just an aside...most foods that have been made low-fat or non-fat are actually higher in carbs, because they have to add something to make the texture and flavor of those foods similar to their full fat versions. So, by definition, a low-fat diet is generally a high carb diet. If the fat head premise is true, I was seriously shooting myself in the foot eating low fat, and missing out on some great tasting food in the process.

So, we stocked up on meats, including red meat, sausage and bacon, eggs, cheese (REAL, delicious cheese) fruits and vegetables and began our experiment. We both had weighed that morning and I decided to log my weight daily through the experimental phase of this change. Starting weight 224.6, two days later 222.7, a week later 220.6. Yes folks, this girl, who had been yo-yo-ing between the same 2 pounds, just lost 4 pounds in a week...eating MORE calories, MORE fat,and lots of delicious food all while missing 4 days at the gym. Hmmm... I was unable to get an official weight this week, as I have been house-sitting, so I've been using a different scale, but I think it's safe to say that I'm down at least another 2 pounds. My roommate has lost at least 5 pounds to-date, and she is toward the end of her weight loss journey, making it harder to lose those last few pounds.

So far, I'm a believer. I'm eating food that I love (Steak, cheese, and even some dark chocolate, can I get an AMEN!) and finally seeing results on the scale. My size 18's are getting baggy and I can comfortably wear an old pair of Neila's size 16's. My goal of being under 200lbs by my 30th birthday is starting to look attainable. I also did great this month at the gym, making it 21 out of 31 days.


It was also easier to be motivated to keep going to the gym when I was seeing results on the scale. However, I am not as afraid to miss a work out, because I know that I won't lose momentum if I do. I feel good, and despite an increase in sodium intake, I haven't bloated or puffy, even when aunt flo came for a visit. I am not seeing 2-3 pound variations in weight from day to day, which before this change was common. This leads me to believe, I was retaining extra water weight as well, depending on my carb intake.

So, Imma keep doin' what I'm doin'. I'm also reading "Good calories, Bad calories", which was a huge source of information for Naughton's documentary. I want to know as much as I can. I'm still trying to figure out the role of fiber (considered a carb) and sodium in this diet. But, my primary sources of carbs now are fruits and vegetables, nuts and dairy. Things that nature produces. (Grains are "natural" but have to be manipulated and processed to be consumed, they were not available in huge quantities to our hunter/gatherer ancestors, who lived primary on animal products, nuts and fruits and vegetables in season). I think in the end my body will thank me. I have so much more I could say, but I will save those thoughts for another post, since I've already borrowed so much of your brains. I encourage you to watch Fat Head, and consider the information with an open mind.

The Truth is...

...I've been a little frustrated. Yes, despite my patient and laid-back nature, I have been frustrated. "Why?" you ask. Well, even though I've been to the gym 3-4 days a week since my last post, recently increasing this to about 5 days a week, I have seen negligible changes on the scale. I actually was up for a couple weeks, and am now breaking even again. Even though I've been working hard, it's embarrassing to come on here and say that I've gained or that I'm not getting anywhere. It's easier to not post and let people think that I've just been too busy to post or update my weight-loss tracker. But, even if I don't have anything to post on the weight-loss front, I can show you my sticker chart for February. I worked out 14 of the 28 days and I feel pretty darn good about it.


I know the primary reason for my lack of weight-loss. Strength training. Yep, that darned muscle is doing me in on the scale, especially if I weigh in the day after a weight-lifting routine. Apparently when your muscles are recovering and rebuilding from strength training, they retain water....that's freaking awesome! So, new rule, no strength training the day before official weigh-ins.

I know that the muscle building will pay off. I learned recently that for every pound of muscle you build, you burn another 30-50 calories per day (Coopersmith, G. B., 2006. Fit + Female: The perfect fitness and nutrition game plan for your unique body type). Therefore, the muscle I'm building is going to have to start paying off on the scale eventually. I also know, as mentioned in a previous post, that muscle is more dense than fat, so even if I am losing fat and gaining muscle, I may not see a change on the scale, and could see (and HAVE seen) an increase on the scale if I am replacing fat with a similar volume of muscle. Knowing this is helpful, but it is still discouraging to work so hard and not see the numbers changing. My clothes aren't really fitting much differently at this point, but I am starting to see the differences, and I can definitely feel the difference. I know that if I continue doing what I'm doing, that my body will change, and eventually the scale will catch up. So, I'm trying to stay motivated.

It helps that my bestie/roommate, Neila has stepped in as a sort of personal trainer. She's already taught me a lot of about eating healthy. But recently she has been challenging me to workout smarter AND harder. For a while, I was just going to the gym, doing my cardio (either a class or 30-40 minutes on the elliptical) and going home. However, I wasn't being strategic with my time on the elliptical. I wasn't varying my resistance at all, just hopping on at Level 1, doing my time and leaving. And I wasn't doing any strength training (and if you don't know, muscle burns fat, so building muscle is essential). While this was better than nothing and was still getting my heart rate up, it's not as effective as varying my resistance. The first time I let Neila prescribe my workout, she kicked my butt. We started with an arm/chest routine that left me sore for nearly a week, and then she had me hop on the elliptical. "Put it on Fat-burning" she said...all of the sudden, the elliptical wasn't so easy anymore.

I must also tell you about my first encounter with the stairmaster. This ain't your mama's stairmaster.


No, imagine an escalator with slightly higher steps. Now imagine climbing that escalator while it varies speeds. If you can't keep up, down you go! So, when Neila said stairmaster, I got a bit of an attitude. Mostly because it looked scary and kind of boring. Scary yes...boring, not so much, I was too busy trying to catch my breath and dripping sweat to be bored. She could have been easy on me, let me start at a level 1, but where is the fun in that? No, she said "Level 5, fatburning, 15 minutes." I'm like, who walks up the stair for 15 minutes at a time? My initial teenage attitude soon turned into a fit of rage. Five minutes in, and I'm huffing and puffing and holding onto the rails for dear life. Neila says, "You know, you're a lot prettier when you smile." To this I answer a phrase containing a four letter word that I shall not repeat here. She says, "You don't like being pushed, do you?" I say, "No, not really. You should really stop talking. It's just pissing me off." Ouch, not my most shining moment...it's a good thing she loves me and know not to take this personally. I DID finish the 15 minutes, I did NOT die, or even puke for that matter. Then she had me on the treadmill for 20 minutes. She is definitely not an easy trainer...watch out Jillian Michaels!

My very rageful reaction to the stairmaster made me ask myself, "Why so hostile?" I realized my frustration was toward myself. I thought I had been doing so well. I could easily spend 40 minutes on the elliptical, I was getting in better shape...and here I am ready to quit after 5 minutes on the stairmaster. It is humbling to realize you are not in as good of shape as you had thought. It is also humbling to realize how little you have been challenging yourself. I had an epiphany: when things don't come easy to me, instead of trying harder, I tend to avoid them. Singing and academics came easy to me. However, sports and anything physical, other than dancing, did not. So, I shied away from them.

I have since faced my mortal enemy, the stairmaster, of my own accord a number of times. The first time, I was at the gym alone. I decided that the stairmaster would not rule me. I could face it without rage or expletives spewing out my mouth. And I did. I only did 10 minutes, as I had just done a legs strength routine and the muscle fatigue was too much. But, the point was that I got back on, and I did it without oozing hatred toward myself, the machine, and my best friend. Since this experience, I have been challenging myself, and allowing Neila to challenge me. I still sometimes get a whiny teenage attitude, but I know that I CAN do it, and that Neila is pushing me for my own good.

It's amazing how refining it is when you are put under pressure. It brings all of the nasty stuff to the surface when you are forced to face it. I'm thankful for a friend who isn't afraid to push me and who puts up with (and calls me out on) my attitude. Here is to being challenged and refined, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

The REAL me. Can you handle this?

So, dating sites are hilarious and frustrating. A bunch of people, hoping to attract other people with a handful of photos, some stats, and brief "about me" description. It is torturous, but there is the hope that you will run across another poor soul like yourself. Someone normal, somewhat attractive, who is just trying to find their soulmate.

On these sites I tend to get a lot of compliments. "Ur sexy, coffee?" (that is a direct quote, by the way), "Nice pics", "You're beautiful!". This is all very flattering. However, beyond the fact that these people probably didn't take time to actually read my profile (seriously? what's the point of that?), I have to laugh to myself when I think of what I REALLY look like. Take away the makeup, the flat iron, the cute hair styles, the stylish clothes, and the results are somewhat disturbing.

These guys think this is what they're getting:

When this is what they're really getting (brace yourself...are you ready? I don't think you are...oh well, too late to turn back now!)

And this (by the way, this is a good hair day. You think I'm kidding, ask my roommate):

Shocked? Probably not too much, at least if you're a woman. Us women know the amount of work and deception that goes into trying to look attractive. If I have to shower, style my hair and put on makeup, it can easily take me two hours to get ready. Excessive, possibly. However, I try to cut down on the getting ready time by showering at night and letting my hair dry naturally. My hair, oh my hair...My hair which is neither naturally straight or naturally curly, and could really only be described as naturally frizzy.

I also hear often what great skin I have. I am not complaining about my skin, as it is in pretty good shape for pushing 30. However, like most, I have dark circles, I'm as pale as Edward Cullen, I have age spots, discolorations, and even some fine lines (yikes!). On a basic makeup day, I am probably still wearing upward of 11 cosmetic products on my face. Really, I'm not exaggerating. And that is not including my moisturizer and eye cream.

It's incredible the things we do to look and feel attractive. There's nothing wrong with it, as long as we remember that our beauty is not defined by our makeup, our hair or our clothes. As a makeup artist, I adore helping people feel beautiful and glamorous. However, I know that beauty is defined by our character, the way we treat others, and us being ourselves. Remember to be gracious to one another, including celebrities, whom we forget are real people too. The next time you point out what a train wreck someone is in their tabloid pictures, remember the face that looks back at you in the mirror in the morning and cut those poor people some slack! It can't be easy living in the spotlight, and sometimes you just want to run to the store in your sweats and hat.

Approaches to Valentine's Day

I'm feeling a little sentimental this afternoon. And, NO, I'm not premenstrual, lol. I recently purchased one of my favorite love songs on iTunes, and it puts me in a hopeful mood for the day I truly fall in love. With Valentine's Day less than a week away, I realize I will spend yet another V-day without a significant other. I can only remember one year where I was actually in a relationship on this oh-so-wonderful holiday, I was in jr. high. Seriously.

Over the years I've taken a few different approaches to V-day. Approach #1: Boycott. Yes, I have gone the way of the bitter in the past, vowing to wear black in protest of a commercial holiday that tortures single people with the fact that they are all alone on the holiday of love. This generally backfired, and ended up with me gorging myself of on Valentine candy in front of sappy movies. Approach #2: Ladies Night Out. This isn't a bad approach. However, it often ends up as a "bitch fest" about how stupid guys are and wondering how it is they've been blind to such incredible and lovely women. Approach #3: The Co-ed Singles Party. Um, awkward, nuff said. Approach #4: Date night with a bestie. This isn't a bad option. I enjoy getting dressed up and going to a nice dinner with my best friend, though one must be prepared to be looked at like they are celebrating the day of love with their lesbian partner. Approach #5: Celebrating friends and family. This has been the most rewarding and productive of the V-day approaches. In the past I have made or purchased cards, candy, gifts, etc. for the most important people in my life. This way I am still getting the joy of giving and feeling love, and getting to participate in the holiday instead of feeling like an outsider. I am thinking I will go with #5 again this year and remind those that are important to me how much I love them.

As for reaching my goals, you can see that my tracker says I've lost 5 lbs. It's actually 5.2 lbs ;). Last week I was down 3.9 lbs and, as of today, I am down another 1.3 lbs. I haven't been as consistent in my exercise, but I am still going to the gym and doing my best to make wise food choices. I feel like I am well on my way to my goal. Obviously, I'm doing alright with blogging somewhat regularly. I could do better with my music goals, so I am going to make a pointed effort to get on my piano more. Now that it is set up in my room, I think I will be more inclined to play. I did get to do makeup for a photoshoot this weekend, for pictures, click here. I think they turned out lovely.

On the job front, I did interview and do a working interview for a nanny/mother's helper/household administrator position with a family in Federal Way last week. I am feeling hopeful about the position. I feel I have a lot to offer the family and that partnering with them to nurture and educate their children would be extremely fulfilling. I know God will open the door if that is where he wants me.

Happy early Valentine's Day, friends. May you take a moment to honor those who make your life brighter. As my gift to you, here is one of my favorite songs, in one of the most touching romantic movie scenes ever made, "The Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel in the movie "Shall we Dance"...grab a kleenex...this one gets me everytime. If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it.



The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I, I love it when you read to me
And you, You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I, I love it when you sing to me
And you, You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I, I love it when you give me things
And you, You ought to give me wedding rings
And I, I love it when you give me things
And you, You ought to give me wedding rings
And I, I love it when you give me things
And you,You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

Onward and upward

Well, I was scared to get on the scale this morning. Though I had worked out 5 times since my weigh in last week, I ate horribly (something to the tune of steak sliders, fries, pizza, cake, candy...ugh) this weekend, which also happened to be when I did NOT work out. Way to go me. And I admit, I stepped on the scale yesterday to see what the damage was...and I was up 2.5 lbs...oops.

However, I had a great workout yesterday, doing 20 minutes on the elliptical and an hour of yoga, and I ate balanced and low calorie. As I left the gym yesterday, I decided that whatever the scale said in the morning, that I was proud of what I had accomplished. I was successful 5 of 7 days in my diet and my exercise. As I walked out to my car, I felt strong. My muscles felt engaged, and I could tell that my body was feeling different. Each class I have been discovering that I am capable of more that I thought and that I can hold positions or press extentions longer and farther than in previous classes.

With that said, I am still up 0.7 lbs from last Wednesday. However, I know that I am building muscle as well, so I am okay with this. The scale will catch up eventually. The most important thing is that I feel my body and my mind changing. I watch the stickers accruing on my calendar (See below, orange=workout, green=blog, blue=music, brown=weigh-in). I am sticking to my goal to work out, to blog, to engage with my music. Some may think my goals are lofty, or think that I will quit. But to them I say, your lack of confidence in me is only more reason for me to stick to and reach my goals.


On another topic, I am a single woman again. It isn't appropriate for me to go into detail here. However, it was a good change for me at this time. I am hopeful for the next step in my romantic life, whatever it may be. I am going to relish my singlehood, and the fact that my time is completely my own, just as I will relish having someone to share more of my time with when it happens.

So, onward and upward toward my goals and making this an even more fulfilling year than the last.