Loving the Skin You're In

Okay, blog fail. I actually started to write an entry in early June, and then I got de-railed. It was going to be about "Milestone May". I hit the 20 pounds lost mark since January and turned 30. I feel like there might have been another milestone or two, but unfortunately I can't remember what they might have been :/ oops. Forgive me? Thanks!

So as of today, I have hit the 25 pound milestone, I weighed in at 204.2 this morning. This means I have also hit my 50 pound milestone from my heavist weight of 254.4 2 years ago. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Considering I've only been to the gym 5 times total in July and am still losing, I'm pleased.

I feel like this year I've broken the yo-yo cycle with regard to my weight. I'm still dedicated to exercising, but I'm not obsessive about it. I'm still dedicated to eating well and the "fat-head diet" has become a lifestyle. But again, I'm not obsessive about it. Sometimes I like to order fries (like the sweet potato fries I had from Flipping Out on Thursday...OMG), I love frozen yogurt (Thanks, Gibson's, for feeding my froyo addiction), I eat a cheeseburger (with a real bun! as opposed to low carb bread) about once a week. [I'll talk about mine and Neila's quest for the best burger in Tacoma in another entry]. Sometimes I splurge eating out with a friend, or I have a decadent dessert. Life is too short and I LOVE food! But I have learned moderation. I know that a regular lifestyle of eating low carb is not ruined by the occasional splurge and it makes the lifestyle sustainable, and sustainability is the key to being successful. I've never been this consistent in any "diet" or "exercise program". A few months of a new program usually saw moderate success followed by complete relapse.

One exciting but annoying change is my official "size" drop. I've been a size 18-20 since high school (A straight 20 at my heaviest, more an 18 during thinner times). I am officially a size 16 now. I can wear some of my 18-20's but most of them are baggy and frumpy. I've acquired 3 pairs of jeans in a 16 now, but am finding I only have a few shirts anymore that I feel attractive in. I have a Lane Bryant gift card I'd love to use but I am holding on to it until I get a job so I can buy appropriate work clothes for my new work place. So, the next time I have a little extra cash, a couple of cute shirts/tanks are in order. My need for new professional wear was brought to light when I was called back for a second interview and realized I had already worn the new dress I had bought for interviews and had nothing appropriate to wear. It was bittersweet going through my closet to find almost every piece of professional wear I own was too big. I have been meaning to take my collection of oversized clothing to a plus-size consignment shop where I might be able to recover some of the money to invest in new clothes.

On a related note, I am still looking for work and have a little less than 2 months left on unemployment. The second interview at Kidder Matthews did not pan out. However, I have an interview for a Marketing Coordinator position at Korum Automotive Group. Prayers and well wishes are appreciated. I am hopeful that the job search is nearing the end.

I am still struggling getting used to my new body, but I am learning to love it, "flaws" and all. I even let Neila take and post pictures of me in a swimsuit, I'll share a few as an exercise in confidence and embracing my beauty. I'm still surprised at how insecure I can be about my body even after dropping 50 pounds!

Thanks for reading, thank you for your love and support. If it wasn't for the support, encouragement and accountability of friends, I don't know if I would have persevered as I a have. Remember you are beautiful, you are worth loving, and you are worth taking care of. I still have to remind myself of these things everyday.

I'm a Fat Head

No, really, I am. And so far, I'm lovin' it (McDonald's allusion intentional).

I recently watched the documentary "Fat Head" by Tom Naughton. A friend of mine mentioned it on Facebook, saying it had changed the way he thought about nutrition and how he had been shedding weight ever since. If you've followed my blog, you know that February saw me struggling to lose weight, despite working out 3-4 days a week and eating a low-fat, low calorie diet. Towards the end of the month and into the beginning of March, I had increased my workouts to 5 days a week, and continued to see no significant change. So, I was intrigued and open to some new ideas, because I was tired of trying to work my ass off and getting nowhere.

In the beginning, it seems he is just attempting to disprove the conclusions of "Supersize Me" by seeing if he can actually lose weight eating nothing but fast food for a month. As I was watching, I was skeptical. It was funny, sarcastic, and interesting but I thought, "Where is he going with this? Is he trying to say that fast food is good for us?" About halfway through, everything he's saying is making sense. The pieces started to click. If what he's saying is true, then I'm doing everything wrong! Not only am I doing everything wrong, but most of America has their understanding of nutrition backwards. He's not saying that fast food is good for us. He's saying fast food isn't the issue. Animal fats and cholesterol are not the enemy. They are not the cause of obesity, heart disease and diabetes. In fact, they are good and necessary parts of a healthy diet.

So, what is the issue? Carbohydrates, especially grains and processed sugars. What is at the base of our food pyramid? Grains. What do we feed our live stock to fatten them up and give them that tasty marbling and layers of fat? Grains. What are grains? A carbohydrate. What is a carbohydrate? Sugar. What causes diabetes? The inability of your body to produce enough insulin to process the sugar in your blood, or the inability of your body to use that insulin. How does your body lower your blood sugar? By converting it to fat and storing it in your fat cells. Light bulb! Lots of grains and sugars in the diet = increased stored fat and higher blood sugar. When you see the science of it broken down, it all starts to make sense. You combine that with exposing some of the faulty science on which our nutritional standards are based and you start to believe that we really have been fed a load of bologna.

I could say so much more about "Fat Head" itself, but instead, I encourage you to watch it. You can get it through Netflix or stream it online through Hulu. Here is a trailer to whet your whistle...



After watching "Fat Head", I was overwhelmed. But, my roommate and I decided the only way to make a judgement of the information presented was to give it a try. We would reduce the carbohydrates in our diet, thereby increasing our fat and protein intake. I also realized that I am probably taking in too few calories. I was probably consuming between 1200 and 1500 calories a day, and eating 200-250 grams of carbs a day. So, I decided to increase my calories to between 1500 and 1800 a day and limit my carbohydrates to 100-150 grams (in the movie, he limits himself to about 100 grams a day). If after a week or two I was gaining weight, I would say the movie was bogus, and go back to my low-fat and low calorie ways. Just an aside...most foods that have been made low-fat or non-fat are actually higher in carbs, because they have to add something to make the texture and flavor of those foods similar to their full fat versions. So, by definition, a low-fat diet is generally a high carb diet. If the fat head premise is true, I was seriously shooting myself in the foot eating low fat, and missing out on some great tasting food in the process.

So, we stocked up on meats, including red meat, sausage and bacon, eggs, cheese (REAL, delicious cheese) fruits and vegetables and began our experiment. We both had weighed that morning and I decided to log my weight daily through the experimental phase of this change. Starting weight 224.6, two days later 222.7, a week later 220.6. Yes folks, this girl, who had been yo-yo-ing between the same 2 pounds, just lost 4 pounds in a week...eating MORE calories, MORE fat,and lots of delicious food all while missing 4 days at the gym. Hmmm... I was unable to get an official weight this week, as I have been house-sitting, so I've been using a different scale, but I think it's safe to say that I'm down at least another 2 pounds. My roommate has lost at least 5 pounds to-date, and she is toward the end of her weight loss journey, making it harder to lose those last few pounds.

So far, I'm a believer. I'm eating food that I love (Steak, cheese, and even some dark chocolate, can I get an AMEN!) and finally seeing results on the scale. My size 18's are getting baggy and I can comfortably wear an old pair of Neila's size 16's. My goal of being under 200lbs by my 30th birthday is starting to look attainable. I also did great this month at the gym, making it 21 out of 31 days.


It was also easier to be motivated to keep going to the gym when I was seeing results on the scale. However, I am not as afraid to miss a work out, because I know that I won't lose momentum if I do. I feel good, and despite an increase in sodium intake, I haven't bloated or puffy, even when aunt flo came for a visit. I am not seeing 2-3 pound variations in weight from day to day, which before this change was common. This leads me to believe, I was retaining extra water weight as well, depending on my carb intake.

So, Imma keep doin' what I'm doin'. I'm also reading "Good calories, Bad calories", which was a huge source of information for Naughton's documentary. I want to know as much as I can. I'm still trying to figure out the role of fiber (considered a carb) and sodium in this diet. But, my primary sources of carbs now are fruits and vegetables, nuts and dairy. Things that nature produces. (Grains are "natural" but have to be manipulated and processed to be consumed, they were not available in huge quantities to our hunter/gatherer ancestors, who lived primary on animal products, nuts and fruits and vegetables in season). I think in the end my body will thank me. I have so much more I could say, but I will save those thoughts for another post, since I've already borrowed so much of your brains. I encourage you to watch Fat Head, and consider the information with an open mind.

The Truth is...

...I've been a little frustrated. Yes, despite my patient and laid-back nature, I have been frustrated. "Why?" you ask. Well, even though I've been to the gym 3-4 days a week since my last post, recently increasing this to about 5 days a week, I have seen negligible changes on the scale. I actually was up for a couple weeks, and am now breaking even again. Even though I've been working hard, it's embarrassing to come on here and say that I've gained or that I'm not getting anywhere. It's easier to not post and let people think that I've just been too busy to post or update my weight-loss tracker. But, even if I don't have anything to post on the weight-loss front, I can show you my sticker chart for February. I worked out 14 of the 28 days and I feel pretty darn good about it.


I know the primary reason for my lack of weight-loss. Strength training. Yep, that darned muscle is doing me in on the scale, especially if I weigh in the day after a weight-lifting routine. Apparently when your muscles are recovering and rebuilding from strength training, they retain water....that's freaking awesome! So, new rule, no strength training the day before official weigh-ins.

I know that the muscle building will pay off. I learned recently that for every pound of muscle you build, you burn another 30-50 calories per day (Coopersmith, G. B., 2006. Fit + Female: The perfect fitness and nutrition game plan for your unique body type). Therefore, the muscle I'm building is going to have to start paying off on the scale eventually. I also know, as mentioned in a previous post, that muscle is more dense than fat, so even if I am losing fat and gaining muscle, I may not see a change on the scale, and could see (and HAVE seen) an increase on the scale if I am replacing fat with a similar volume of muscle. Knowing this is helpful, but it is still discouraging to work so hard and not see the numbers changing. My clothes aren't really fitting much differently at this point, but I am starting to see the differences, and I can definitely feel the difference. I know that if I continue doing what I'm doing, that my body will change, and eventually the scale will catch up. So, I'm trying to stay motivated.

It helps that my bestie/roommate, Neila has stepped in as a sort of personal trainer. She's already taught me a lot of about eating healthy. But recently she has been challenging me to workout smarter AND harder. For a while, I was just going to the gym, doing my cardio (either a class or 30-40 minutes on the elliptical) and going home. However, I wasn't being strategic with my time on the elliptical. I wasn't varying my resistance at all, just hopping on at Level 1, doing my time and leaving. And I wasn't doing any strength training (and if you don't know, muscle burns fat, so building muscle is essential). While this was better than nothing and was still getting my heart rate up, it's not as effective as varying my resistance. The first time I let Neila prescribe my workout, she kicked my butt. We started with an arm/chest routine that left me sore for nearly a week, and then she had me hop on the elliptical. "Put it on Fat-burning" she said...all of the sudden, the elliptical wasn't so easy anymore.

I must also tell you about my first encounter with the stairmaster. This ain't your mama's stairmaster.


No, imagine an escalator with slightly higher steps. Now imagine climbing that escalator while it varies speeds. If you can't keep up, down you go! So, when Neila said stairmaster, I got a bit of an attitude. Mostly because it looked scary and kind of boring. Scary yes...boring, not so much, I was too busy trying to catch my breath and dripping sweat to be bored. She could have been easy on me, let me start at a level 1, but where is the fun in that? No, she said "Level 5, fatburning, 15 minutes." I'm like, who walks up the stair for 15 minutes at a time? My initial teenage attitude soon turned into a fit of rage. Five minutes in, and I'm huffing and puffing and holding onto the rails for dear life. Neila says, "You know, you're a lot prettier when you smile." To this I answer a phrase containing a four letter word that I shall not repeat here. She says, "You don't like being pushed, do you?" I say, "No, not really. You should really stop talking. It's just pissing me off." Ouch, not my most shining moment...it's a good thing she loves me and know not to take this personally. I DID finish the 15 minutes, I did NOT die, or even puke for that matter. Then she had me on the treadmill for 20 minutes. She is definitely not an easy trainer...watch out Jillian Michaels!

My very rageful reaction to the stairmaster made me ask myself, "Why so hostile?" I realized my frustration was toward myself. I thought I had been doing so well. I could easily spend 40 minutes on the elliptical, I was getting in better shape...and here I am ready to quit after 5 minutes on the stairmaster. It is humbling to realize you are not in as good of shape as you had thought. It is also humbling to realize how little you have been challenging yourself. I had an epiphany: when things don't come easy to me, instead of trying harder, I tend to avoid them. Singing and academics came easy to me. However, sports and anything physical, other than dancing, did not. So, I shied away from them.

I have since faced my mortal enemy, the stairmaster, of my own accord a number of times. The first time, I was at the gym alone. I decided that the stairmaster would not rule me. I could face it without rage or expletives spewing out my mouth. And I did. I only did 10 minutes, as I had just done a legs strength routine and the muscle fatigue was too much. But, the point was that I got back on, and I did it without oozing hatred toward myself, the machine, and my best friend. Since this experience, I have been challenging myself, and allowing Neila to challenge me. I still sometimes get a whiny teenage attitude, but I know that I CAN do it, and that Neila is pushing me for my own good.

It's amazing how refining it is when you are put under pressure. It brings all of the nasty stuff to the surface when you are forced to face it. I'm thankful for a friend who isn't afraid to push me and who puts up with (and calls me out on) my attitude. Here is to being challenged and refined, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Onward and upward

Well, I was scared to get on the scale this morning. Though I had worked out 5 times since my weigh in last week, I ate horribly (something to the tune of steak sliders, fries, pizza, cake, candy...ugh) this weekend, which also happened to be when I did NOT work out. Way to go me. And I admit, I stepped on the scale yesterday to see what the damage was...and I was up 2.5 lbs...oops.

However, I had a great workout yesterday, doing 20 minutes on the elliptical and an hour of yoga, and I ate balanced and low calorie. As I left the gym yesterday, I decided that whatever the scale said in the morning, that I was proud of what I had accomplished. I was successful 5 of 7 days in my diet and my exercise. As I walked out to my car, I felt strong. My muscles felt engaged, and I could tell that my body was feeling different. Each class I have been discovering that I am capable of more that I thought and that I can hold positions or press extentions longer and farther than in previous classes.

With that said, I am still up 0.7 lbs from last Wednesday. However, I know that I am building muscle as well, so I am okay with this. The scale will catch up eventually. The most important thing is that I feel my body and my mind changing. I watch the stickers accruing on my calendar (See below, orange=workout, green=blog, blue=music, brown=weigh-in). I am sticking to my goal to work out, to blog, to engage with my music. Some may think my goals are lofty, or think that I will quit. But to them I say, your lack of confidence in me is only more reason for me to stick to and reach my goals.


On another topic, I am a single woman again. It isn't appropriate for me to go into detail here. However, it was a good change for me at this time. I am hopeful for the next step in my romantic life, whatever it may be. I am going to relish my singlehood, and the fact that my time is completely my own, just as I will relish having someone to share more of my time with when it happens.

So, onward and upward toward my goals and making this an even more fulfilling year than the last.